I’ve been there it seems to me some people just get pleasure out of the suffering of other people. What goes around comes around, if she gets off on hurting you it is just time and yes it will happen when she gets hurt.
 
Michael

— On Tue, 3/16/10, Scott Bryce wrote:

From: Scott Bryce
Subject: Re: [Divorce-Rcvy] Re: How cruel can my deacon wife be?
To: Divorce_Recovery@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, March 16, 2010, 10:02 PM

Larry Delgado wrote:
> doesn’t anyone get it?

Yes. We all do. In one way or another, we have all been there. We know
how much it hurts. And many of us have learned something from it.

You are not looking for healing. What you are doing is beating yourself
over the head with a club and wondering why it doesn’t hurt her. And the
more you beat yourself, the more it hurts you. The fact that you are
hurting, and not her, makes you angry, so you beat yourself even harder.

As one counselor I know likes to say, you are not asking for help; you
are venting.

You are letting your wife control you. She has the freedom to wear
whatever she wants to when she mows the lawn, and it causes you to stab
yourself in the heart. You have become her little marionette. It is not
a healthy place to be.

> and I am supposed to act like i can go on!!!

No. You aren’t supposed to ACT anything. Your situation is ugly. It is
OK to hurt. It is OK to mourn your losses. In fact, you need to. You
won’t move forward until you do. But, as the same counselor likes to
say, you need to get off the meri-go-round.

You are too focussed on her to focus on your own healing. No matter how
cute she looks in her tight jeans and curly hair, you need to stop
staring in her direction and look away to your own healing.

When you can do that, you won’t be ACTING like you can go on. You WILL
BE going on. It will be slow. It will be tough. She will still pull your
strings for a while. But you will never have healing as long as you
insist on hanging on to the marionette strings.

Let go. You are killing yourself. She isn’t killing you. YOU are.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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